Chop, Cook, Love

I had some free time today (ha ha ha) so i sat down with some home made guacamole and blue chips and watched one of those infomercials that promises to cut time and eliminate 15 cooking devices while all along making claims to keep the nutrients in the that boiling vegetables removes, well, yes they do if you boil them to the point where they are left a mushy grey mess, as the "show" illustrated then enthusiastically exclaim how the meal is soooooooooo good leaving us, the viewer, to only take their word for it.  Did you ever notice not one of them uses herbs or spices?  While watching this infomerical I was reminded of the guacamole that i had just made.  I cut the avocado and squished it, chopped the garlic, squeezed the lemon, put salt & pepper  and added a few other spices that made it that much more yummy.

While i sat watching this butchery of a cooking show I began to think of myself why is it so bad to spend the extra 10-20 minutes to make what ultimately is going to sustain you?  I'm all for saving time and space in my small kitchen but there is something to be said for taking the time to chop the onions (no matter how much they make you cry), peel the ginger, boil the water, and stand and watch your culinary concoction come to fruition.  Using spices like cumin, turmeric, and ginger not only make the food that much more medicinal but helps your digestion.

When you take the time to chop the ingredients and prep the meal not only are you ensured that what is going into your meal is healthy but there's one ingredient that is so important that is never mentioned in any recipe.  That is love.  The intention of love in your meal is not only soul boosting but it makes that meal so much better than any infomerical could describe.  That intention of nourishing not only in your body but the bodies of your loved ones is an ingredient that never gets stale, never goes rancid, nor never reaches an expiration date.

So this Whimpy Pallav is left with the thought...yes, everyone wants to save time in this world of instant gratification and wanting things faster and more efficient but there really is no substitute for having the peace of mind that what you are putting in your body is coming from a place of love.

Going Down the Rabbit Hole

I had the best weekend in such a long time.  I got out of the house, away from what is stressing me, and got myself rejuvenated, renewed, and refocused.  This past weekend brought me even more clarity about what and where I want to go in life. Some of the highlights include:

-Met some great new people
-Reconnected with some old classmates
-Got some new connections
-Got some new great ideas, techniques, and skills
-Got some neat new tools (wiggle wand anyone?)
-did an impromptu session on a complete stranger
-ate great food
-drank great wine (and a cosmopolitan or two three)
-oh, and i even channeled Elaine from Seinfield at the dinner (in-case you are lost here's a little clip to explain)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY_DF2Af3LM&feature=email


You know you are in the right spot when you walk down the hall and see someone lying on the floor with someone else sitting over them and whispering yet you don't even give it a second glance.  I, being the floor whore that I am, secretly wished I was on the floor too!

This was my second time at this conference and hope to go to many more.  I go with my fellow hypnogeek, Miss Pam.  She cracks me up.  We've started a tradition of taking the annual coca cola bottle picture. Last year it was on the window sill this year we took it at one of the tables in a class room and yes, that is a bed.  Not sure how or why it was there but in our line of work anything goes!

The hotel where the conference was held was in beautiful downtown Pasadena, CA.   They had some lovely sculptures in the lobby.  Here's one that i constantly felt drawn to.  It's such a pretty shade of blue.

So what did I learn this weekend?  1) You STILL can't fix stupid (even if it comes in the form of a speaker insulting key members of the conference) 2) These are my people!  Kind, loving, and not only interested in their own growth but are open to share what they know to help you with yours & 3) I'm going to start planting the seeds to open my own office.  Got any name suggestions?

This Whimpy Pallav is on her way!

Week in Review

I had a really bad week two weeks ago which lead to that son-of-a-bitch severe anxiety and a small massive meltdown. It also lead me to slip from my new health regimen and oh boy did I feel it! Not just in my body but my thoughts and feelings too.  I found myself eating fast food (YUCK), not following my new morning routine, and feeling useless, worthless, irritable, and unsupported.  The good news out of this is I didn't rely on my "happy pills" to get me through.

My eating went from Kapha reducing, weight reducing, and jiva reducing recipes to those that fed my jiva even more with not exercising, eating foods that are just not good for people in general but for me especially are toxic in this season. I knew they were bad and I did them anyways.  My actions didn't come from a place of resentment or rebelling.  They came from a place of shear fear in all aspects of my life for my future.  It's easy to say not to worry about finances which would be wonderful if the mortgage, insurance, and utility companies felt the same way but unfortunately, if you can't pay, you don't get a house, car, or electricity.

There is a lot of emphasis on building self esteem in children, not to berate them or make them feel small but i think it's also important to do the same to adults.  Especially when their livelihood is in jeopardy.  Even with adults, hearing constant negative feedback can leave you feeling useless, redundant, incompetent, and leaves your soul feeling numb.  I'm not saying you have to constantly coddle but a "thank you" or "good job" every so often can make all the difference.  Lines of communication should not be staggered and criticism should be coming from a place of mutual respect and not anger or frustration.

I spent a good portion of this past week spring cleaning, meditating, and exploring my little island.   I spent some time contemplating on what transpired in the last few weeks and "tried" to decompress and regain my self confidence.  It's a lot easier to give the advice to just let it go but for me;  my self worth has been pulverized to the point I just don't know how to get it back.

After much meditation I find that I'm having to prove myself over and over and over and as long as I know that what I do is out of good intention and I put effort into everything I do I know I'm doing the best I can with the tools I'm given.  This still leaves me with feeling isolated and unsupported.  The clear answer is there and I know where I want to go I just need to figure out how to get there. 

While this Whimpy Pallav is setting her course here's a little ditty to help the time pass and a funny picture of how I'm usually woken up in the mornings (yes, they pile on top of me and sit there staring at me until I get up-notice how Lenore strategically places her tummy right near my ears so I can hear it grumbling).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ_y-WQOU-Q&hd=1

P.S. anyone want to show me how to add videos without the link?

What keeps me awake at 2 a.m.

I allowed my Jiva to react to a situation where if clarity was expressed instead of a knee-jerk reaction born out of emotion the consequences of that interaction may perhaps have been fruitful instead of hurt feelings that were purely unintentional.  For that I am sorry.

It’s important to build a support system around you of perhaps not totally like-minded people but people, who, after careful vetting, you know will carry you, laugh with you, play with you, share life’s ups and downs with you, and have walked through the fire that you are walking now.  It is those same people in your support system that also are not afraid to hold a mirror in front of you and tell you like it really is.   It may be harsh, it may be down right uncalled for but it’s raw, real, and necessary.  Would you rather be surrounded by people who sugar coat everything and tip toe around catering to your every whim just to avoid you not seeing what is right in front of you?  Your support system provides understanding, realness, and most importantly unconditional love.  One cannot be responsible nor made to carry sins of others.  One cannot be faulted for another’s wrong doing.  One CAN take that action and make it into something that is not only beneficial for their own healing but with an open mind, heart, and arms, uses it as a learning tool.  The best revenge is one where you flip off the universe letting it know, you lost, I am not broken, I will not be broken nor will you make me feel inferior again.

It is also that same support that knows that change is often needed, change is uncomfortable and it’s supposed to be.  Change is growth, understanding one’s faults, owning those faults, and working towards a better quality of life.  You will get curve balls thrown at you and it’s life’s way of testing to see how well you react.  Do you just sit there and take it or do you get mad and do something about it!  Sitting around complaining that you don’t like something is or how things are going is not productive.  If you don’t like it, CHANGE IT, if you don’t know how, ASK, if you need help, ASK, if resources are limited, expand your search-get creative.  Waiting for others to wave their magic wand and hoping to make everything better is only making those old habits, thoughts, feelings, and actions fester.  There is nothing more humbling then realizing when you are depleted and need a gentle push in the right direction and there is nothing wrong with admitting when you are lost and need help.

            “Out of muddy waters comes the Lotus”-Shunyaji

My teacher said this in a lecture last week.  I understand this to mean, in order to blossom into a beautiful loving human being we have to go through a lot of crap. And believe you me, I've been through some raw, stinky, sticky crap and I don't even see the surface of the pond yet.   We, as humans, can only take responsibility for our own words, thoughts, feelings and actions as long as the intention is pure and unadulterated.  We, as humans, have a responsibility to ask when we don't understand those words, thoughts, feelings and actions of others.  We can be responsible how we react to others but cannot be responsible for how others react to us.  Misunderstandings are a fact of life.  It’s our duty to mindfully and humanely ask for clarity when something is not understood.  I bet you 99% of the time if you ASK someone what they meant by a thought, feeling, or action, you would get an answer.  It may not be an answer you agree with and that is where discourse can be exchanged but you at least have an answer and knee jerk reactions are avoided.  It’s those times that we don’t ask that our Jiva’s take this as an opportunity to run amuck and cause unnecessary angst.  It is your responsibility to reign in the Jiva in us and have it sit in the naughty corner while you embody gracefulness, tact, and humility.

This Whimpy Pallav’s Jiva has been redirected to the naughty corner indefinitely.

Scrub-a-dub-dub

I'm putting ground up chickpea with neem and two other things i can't pronounce on in the tub! 

Before you call the men in white jackets to take me away hear me out.  I'm learning a new way of life, a new healthier, energy boosting, self confidence establishing, and better outlook on life self. 

When you've been sick and tired of being sick and tired for as long as I have with no answers to be had and you are made to feel like you are just making everything up and to just accept that you will feel drained, be bloated, and overall depressed for the rest of your life only to find that one health modality that actually practices what they preach and don't discount your persistence that something is wrong with you only to have after two months of attending all but one class, gone to the retreats, gone to the Sunday afternoon lectures, learned the cooking recipes, chosen a nice cup of Chai or Spiced Milk over wine and you start to notice substantial TANGIBLE differences in your body, mind, and spirit there is nothing left to do but surrender to the process.

AAAAND BREATHE

So, with that said, my next lesson was on skin care.  There are two kinds oiling and scrubbing.  I tried both and I have to say I preferred the scrubbing over oiling.  Oiling consisted of rubbing warm sesame oil all over myself before showering and honestly, I felt like I was marinating myself.  I did not like it one bit!  It was slippery and the oil got EVERYWHERE.  Scrubbing however, consists of making a mixture of chick pea ground up with Neem and two other items mixed with either water or milk ( i used milk) and apply it like you would any scrub.  Yes, it looked yucky, yes, it stained my tub (but was easily cleaned up) and YES it was cold but after rubbing it all over I just washed it off and continued my shower as I normally would.

When I finished did my skin feel smoother than a babies butt!! I have very pale, sensitive, thin skin (I blame the Brits) and usually scrubs leave me with long red scratch marks all over me but I had no evidence of scrubbing what-so-ever.  It left a spring time fresh scent and my skin felt cool but not cold but a nice cooling tingling feeling.  Even the next day my skin feels rejuvenated, alive, and awake!  It is a long process so I won't be able to do this everyday but once a week should be just fine.

So i recommend you get your rubber duckies out and scrub scrub scrub!  This Whimpy Pallav has hers!

I'm Grounded!!!

This Whimpy Pallav is so excited and let me tell you why.

That no-nonsense, whimsical, boisterous, no holds barred, spitfire of a Romny is slowly emerging.  I'm so excited to see her.  I've missed her so much!!!!  She shows up in my thoughts, actions, and convictions.  She chair dances and doesn't care who sees her.  She has found her music again and at some point in the very near future she will be taking up the guitar again.  She used to play in Jr & High School but stopped for some undisclosed reason (cough cough).  There's a music store blocks from her home. She plans on contacting them within the next week or two (anyone up for he challenge of calling her on this?) but before she can she needs to get new strings.  Her sense of humor is undeniable. 

She feels lighter, healthier and happier than she has in years.  She's cut down on the wine consumption (GASP), don't fret, not completely but not as much.  She's gone down a size or two (depending on the manufacture) and her once dull short, split ended and easily breakable hair is going back to her long flowing locks shiny and new.  She's still got a ways to go but compared to 6 months ago, she's made great strides in getting her authentic self back. 

This is the most recent picture I could find of her getting her groove back and NO she's not trying out for Devo.

Kharma

I'm a firm believer in Kharma. It's a great thing to have when you have hit rock bottom and there is nowhere else to go but up yet at the same time it can be the straw that breaks the camels back. Kharma's been pretty good to me. I have a roof over my head, the car is fully paid off, I have managed to keep my job in this economic nightmare, the universe has given me back some amazing,smart,cracktastic friends, and besides a non existent love life, I've got it pretty good.

On my way to work this morning I stopped off at the friendly neighborhood bagel shop to get some breakfast. On the counter they had the usual "tip cup" placed strategically next to the cash register. On that cup they had a sign that read "Tips (GOOD KHARMA)" WTH! How is guilting someone into giving you a tip "GOOD KHARMA". Good Kharma for whom? Excluding your normal tipping etiquette, tips should be given without reservation and or expectation from the both parties. Things like tipping or helping a friend out or just doing random acts of kindness should not be done with hidden agendas. You should want to do them just because it's there. I have two words for those that expect Kharmic acts to be returned in kind that word is "bean counting". I did for you, now you do for me. That's not how Kharma works. You do because you want to not because you have to or feel that now you are owed something in return.

I realize now that my reaction to their sign was not helping me gain any more good Kharma but by not putting anything in the tip jar was that promoting bad Kharma? Personally, I don't think so. It's a catch 20 situation. There's a Buddhist saying "This too shall pass" like Kharma, this can be understood to not let things bother you that in the grand scheme of things, it's just a small piece to a bigger outcome. It can also be understood to mean don't take things for granted, it can and will be taken away at any moment.

A wise woman reminded me today that "How others treat you is their kharma... how you react is yours". As one of my New Year resolutions, this is one item that I'm going to work on.