Late Night Pondering

Make no mistake that I:

-am the forgiving one
-am the giddy one
-am the playful one
-am the young at heart one
-am the mischievous one
-am the realistic one
-am the mindful one
-am a little dark
-am a little cheeky
-am innocence mistaken for ignorance
-am a human being seeking compassion and human contact

I will not be mistaken for the:

 -childless one
-fatherless one
-shameless one
-hopeless one
-incapable one
-helpless one
-resource fullness one
-defenseless one
-one to take for granted
-one to be ignored
-one to cast aside
-one to forget
-the stupid one

You my friend are missing out on

-the one less hindered
-the one who has paid for the demise of another
-the one that has looked, touched and lived with death   
-the one that is humble
-the one that finds the way
-the one that is determined
-the one that knows her boundaries 
-the one that is generous in all she does and keeps her intentions pure
-the one that will spread her knowledge, wisdom, and kindness to those even if they don't deserve it

I am stronger than you think and it saddens me you can't accept it.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

So I've had inner conversations, outer conversations, conversations I remember, some I do not but the one conversation that I think sums it all up is the one that wasn't about anyone or anything in particular, it wasn't heavy nor was it substantial.  It was light, playful, endearing, and gave me a slap of reality that often gets buried while trying to pretend to be an adult. 

I went to visit my best friend and the two small people that live with her.  She has a four year old and a 1 1/2 year old.  Her four year old is precocious and knows how to work an audience.  She also doesn't need to be entertained every second and comes up with the most ehhehmm interesting games.  While T and her hubby went to drop off the car at the shop I stayed behind while the littlest one napped and I got to spend time with this spitfire.  In a matter of minutes her imagination had turned a purple pearl necklace (fake of course), a green ribbon, and a pink hairband into a slingshot type of device.  Not sure what she had planned to fling from it but the next thing I know she's asking me to untie the entire contraption.  Next up, I taught her to say "Can you give me a what what!?"  so when mom got home and was making some lunch in the kitchen I challenged her to go into the kitchen and ask her mom "Mom, can I have a what what!?"  NOTHING is funnier than listening to a little four year old voice squeal from the other room "WHAT WHAT" only to have her mom go "where did you learn that?" LMAO.  Needless to say I did not get babysitter of the year for teaching her this.  She has a way of collecting these little sayings and saying them at the most inopportune times. 

So at the end of it all one thing is clear.  This Whimpy Pallav needs to relax more, aim every challenge that comes her way into a slingshot and direct it where it is best suited, and every-so-often give herself a little What What.

Still trying to figure out how to put a video on but this will have to do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJA69C6SlRk

SPRING!!!!

Spring is here and I could not be more excited!!!  The warm weather makes all of the core pustules, nerves, cells, and that goo between the cells giddy as a school girl!!  Spring is the best time to get rid of those things that are just cluttering up your life.  Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.  I've put myself in a bubble for the better part of the last two weeks and I've done some big time cleaning.  I've collected advice from friends, family, and my gurus and taken bits and pieces of their advice in an effort to spring clean this Whimpy Pallav.  I still have a lot more cleaning to do but I'm off to a good start.

With that in mind and in honor of Spring being sprung I made some soup that is basically Green Moong beans, garlic, ginger and other spices.  It is DELICIOUS!!!!

Step one: simmer the Green Moong until brown

Step two: Once the Moong is brown add more spices (not gonnnnna tell you, join me in class to find out)

Step three:After the Moong is easy to bite down on place in blender and blend.

Not sure if I did the soup right as it came out grainy but it did leave me full and satisfied after just a few bites.  Honestly, I couldn't finish this bowl.

I plan on making this more and more.  Not only is it yummy but Spring friendly!

HAPPY SPRING from the Whimpy Pallav

If You're Kapha And You Know It You'll Laugh At This

Work in Progress

I've survived my first week in my bubble.  I escaped a few times but remembered my goal and went back in.  I think my brain is to the point where it is starting to see clarity.  I have a base line of what needs to be done and now I just need to figure out how I want to do it.  I've had several meetings not only with myself but with my Guru & teachers they not only re-directed me in quietening down my pesky little Jiva but their words mean more to me than they will know.  I was driving home tonight and whether my Guru knew it or not, she really hit home with my need to purge.  I have more tools to work with and more clarity on the direction of the type of person I want to be.  Driving home this song came on.  When I pulled into my driveway it wasn't finished but with tears running down my face I sat in my car and listened until it had.  I think this sums up my week perfectly:

**disclaimer, I'm computer challenged and couldn't figure out how to embed the video.  Sorry!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZQPe0SPAq4&feature=email

Dear Universe;

I'm taking this journey not just for better physical health but mental.  If the last week has taught me anything it's that the demons that I battle are still around, perhaps not as much to the surface but suppressed only to creep back up when I least expect it.  I'm fighting not just for my physical well being but my mental.  Thoughts of regret, loneliness, embarrassment, self loathing , and that son-of-bitch jealousy invade and consume my very being and I can hear that evil part of me, Jiva mocking me and it has a hold on me so tight, much like when a dog has a toy and will not let it go. 

I've been given the challenge to look at myself in the mirror and look deep within me.  Right now, I really don't like what I'm seeing, thinking, or feeling.  I've got this sense of entitlement that which in-fact is not mine.  I wallow in self pity and secretly loathe those around me that have support not only in ever day life but love and laughter.  I sit here thinking, what's wrong with me!  Why can't I have that support too!  Someone once told me I was evil, and perhaps I am, I want to redeem myself for sins I've done in the past.  I want to be able to say "I'm sorry" without wanting to snicker.

The good news is that I was under the false belief that my Kharma is broken and almost unrepairable.  I'm learning that there are ways to reclaim my dignity and am able to clean myself up.  It's not going to be fun, it's not going to be pretty; in fact, it's going to get VERY VERY messy.

It's time, time to make changes.  Changes in my physical, mental well being as well as changes in my mission in life.  It's going to be challenging for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and actually love the person staring back at me.   

I've had that Talking Heads song, "I'm on the Road to Nowhere" stuck in my head all night.  It's true, when someone is facing a challenge or going through a rough patch it's the friends that don't leave you, support you, and will offer a hand when you fall.   I'm asking my authentic friends to bear with me because this Whimpy Pallav is about to get medieval on her arse!

Who's got spirit?

I do I do!  I have two ghost cats living in my house.  I believe it's the ghost of my 6 month old kittens Twist  and his brother Oliver.  Both Oliver & Twist were taken from me way too early and in a semi-violent manner.  With their last breaths, their little hearts enlarged and gave out. Oliver & Twist were from the same litter and I firmly believe it was herediatry.  Oliver was the ham of the two.  Always tripping overhimself, missing the couch and landing on the floor and ending up with more food on his face than in his tummy.  Twist, was my stubborn, instigator, troublemaker,black as night love bug.  I have yet to see Oliver (others have seen him) but I know he's around .  I've heard him rummaging around at night and one furbaby that i got after their departure has regular conversations with him.

The other week Twist made his first real appearance.  I've always seen him out of the corner of my eye but on this particular morning he stopped by to say hello as I got the laundry out of he dryer. He walked right past my leg and under my hamper.   At first I thought it was Milo and just as I was telling him to go back into the house I turned around and realized the door was closed.  When went upstairs, Milo was in the kitchen eating his breakfast.  This morning I caught a quick glimpse of him sitting next to me in bed sniffing my face. 

Oliver

Twist

I still miss them and wish that they didn't have to leave me so early.  There will always be a hole in my heart for them.  Recently, I found these pictures and made me laugh.  Twist LOVED to sit at the dinning room table and stare at me while I worked.  And Oliver, he just LOVED sitting with me.