Six Month Review

Hi,

It's been a long time since I've posted.  Time for another employee review.   Six Months ago I chose to leave a job that kept me down, made me feel small, and slowly sucked any ounce of morale left in me to the point that I was left fighting for my health.  When your Western doctor says, in not so may words, that your job is causing considerable emotional stress that if you don't do something about it you will find yourself in serious harm then it's time to make some changes.  I can only account for my actions and lack of responsibility to rectify a situation that was slowly extracting my existence with a life size reamer and for that I can only explain that it was my Karma.  For actions of others that is their Karma and I hope that they may have reflected on their behavior and going forward remember we are all human and to provide the support and proper guidance that any human deserves.  I knew my health was in jeopardy a full year before making the departure.  I had been interviewing and applying for other positions and didn't leave my position without another job; however, the job that I did take proved that I had merely jumped out of the fire and into the frying pan and quickly remedied the situation by removing myself from what would've been another toxic work environment.

Am I angry?  Am I bitter?  Am I hellbent on revenge?  No. 

I'm sad and thankful.  I'm sad because I let myself get to this point.   I'm thankful because I let myself get to this point.  Learning and growing and studying under the guidance of teachers who I've been blessed to have in my life has given the opportunity to see a lifelong harmful pattern that I seem to think is my punishment to carry with me.  Being able to express discrimination and gauge what is my truth has become an intricate part of my own healing.  Why let someones poor actions effect me so much?  Why do I seem to think that I should not ask for help or guidance when clearly I'm in need of it?  These are questions I've been asking myself for the last six months.  What I've come up with so far is:

-We are responsible for our words and actions.  We are not responsible for others words or actions.

- Allowing someone to hurt you is a direct reflection of how you hurt yourself. Your own Karma is effected too.

-Forgive yourself before you forgive others.  But don't forget about their behavior and know that any further interaction will be the same.

-Be smart about your decisions and behavior.